03.20.02 - 3:24 am

something that frustrates me is the fact that even with rational thought screaming through my head the way youd imagine gods voice as loud, i am still incapable of certain proceedures that ive done around 26 times already and under many other more challenging circumstances. all i had to do was kiss a girl. a girl that knew she was going to be kissed. a girl that wanted to be kissed. a girl that wanted me to kiss her and set herself up for one many times during the course of our evening to be kissed.

and yet, the thoughts course through my head that hinder my efforts. maybeshereallydoesntwantmetoo.shouldidoitnow?notoomanypeoplearound.itwouldbeweird.idontwantherfeelingawkward.herfriendwillbelikewhatareyoudoingrapist.chadwasrightthere,howweirdwouldthatbeforhimtobesittingnexttomewhileimmakingoutwithagirl.forcedkissesareveryuncomfortable.itwontbeenjoyableifimlikedinkdinkdink(shouldertapnoise)andjustplantoneonheraswearewalkingout.ohiwishihadntlockedmykeysinmycar.thatwouldhaveallowedmoretimetopullheraside.talktoher.lookather.leanit.anddoit.damnitdamnitdamnit.justdoit!youresuchagirl,youknowshewantsyouto!doitgoddamnit!now!now!damnit,chancemissed.okwaitforthenexttime,okyeahilldoitinlike5minutes.oknow.now!hurry!youreasonofabitchjordan.

pathetic i am. another MO. i wish confidence was as easy to muster as being a stupid pansy assed newt.