04.24.02 - 12:50 pm

im thinking about girls again. im thinking things that i was thinking just a few months ago. im trying to figure out the best way to get into a relationship. it was easier when i was in highschool.

you flirted. you liked a girl. you found out the girl liked you. your conversations changed from trivial to vital. touching. a kiss. a question. an answer of yes. suddenly you had a girlfriend you could hold hands with. it was done. you had a girlfriend. you were obligated to each other. discussions now lasted for hours over telephones. entire lives were exposed and traded. there was a sense of clarity.

for some reason, after my last relationship, ive lost touch with either myself or the mentality of the woman and what they expect.

how do you start a relationship now? i like girl. girl says she likes me. alot. allegedly. we are supposed to get married. i could see myself marrying her. in about a decade. but there is an air of......not liking me in that way.

i would imagine, if i liked someone, and if i knew someone liked me, that no matter what you did, it would be fine. telling the person you like them as often as you felt like saying it. wanting to see that someone as often as possible. wanting to talk to them every moment of your day. but if the other person doesnt seem to be doing said things, and you do....would that make that person uncomfortable? would they be threatened? unsure? scared? do people fear stalkers, obsessive possesive possible boyfriends? all i want to do is smother and shower this girl i fancy. but i fear the result would be cold shoulders, hesitance, and distancing. dont people like to be adored?

i think that we should settle down and live happily forever after....what do you think about that?

im afraid of being hurt. so is everyone. but, i dont seem to have the faith i did before about not only people staying the same throughout a relationship, but continuing to have strong feelings for you day after day. consistency is important. i dont want to be cheated on. i dont want to cheat. i want to stop looking. i want to find a girl, and never have to look elsewhere. i want obsessive. i want i really really like yous several times a day. i want physical contact not initiated by me. i want the security to know that i dont have to be jealous ever. that i wont be alone unless its by choice.

and most of all i want to have the faith that illicit drug use and alcohol consumption without my presence wont lead to sexual advances with another. trust. communication. adoration. faith.

i want to be a gentleman. a gentleman and a scholar. i want to pick flowers and display them for my significant other.

i want i want i want me me me now now now now.....your parents dont read to you because they love you. they read to you to shut you up.

-jas hook, captain.

trying to explain that to someone who only responds with one syllable and one word answers bothers me. but then again, its a redundant rant thats thick with inspiration from the backstreet boys and 98 degrees. it knocks people out. they cant get enough.

this rant is a snake eating its own tail.

black widow eggs, when held under a flame, will pop and explode outward like kernals of popcorn.