02.09.03 - 1:12 am

correction.

vandals broke into my castle and defecated in my toilet. not sarah thornton.

leaving a note knifed to my door helped, as did small bits and pieces of toilet paper on the bathroom floor.

JORDAN, JD AND BRAIN -

WE LEFT A PRESENT FOR YOU IN THE BATHROOM. WE'LL BE BACK... THATS RIGHT...WEL'LL BE BACK

(and then some unreadable signature)

some clues have come to light regarding this event. it appears the vandals, after releasing their bile into my toilet, realized the danger they had put themselves in.

there wasnt any toilet paper left.

all that remained was that last wrapped square, tightly glued to the cardboard roll. the vandals however, had no other choice. it was either leave the premises unwiped or struggle with what the roll could muster. and so, with careless sloppy handiwork, the infidel fumbled with tearing as many of the tiny toilet paper fragments from the cardboard as they could and using them to hygenate themselves. im sure they were less than successful. the only smell that remained in that bathroom was the smell of their defeat.