05.30.03 - 8:08 am

it wipes me out, you know. teetering so precariously between apprehension and enjoyment. day after day feeling ok, understanding whats to come and preparing for it with acceptance. but then one day will come along and put me several steps back. i fill with dread and despair.

but some days i dont. i smile when i think of sarah. i run my fingers over the skin of her neck and face, my mouth waters with how amazing her eyes really are. my entire hand gliding over the surface of her engorged stomach. knowing my child is in there. my junior bug collector. my swim buddy. my trouble maker. my heartbreaker. my highschool graduate. my occasional phone call. my child.

its a struggle for acceptance. after july 14th, ill know if its going to happen.