09.20.03 - 8:41 pm

sometimes, as much as i want to, as much as i try, its impossible for me to feel good. to feel self contained and not without longing. shes gone right now. out. im supposed to be there watching ashton. im not. and theres nothing i can do to stop her from what she does. or what she wants to do. ive given up my right to have a say. im back to having no control.

just like i did a year ago.

and its this powerlessness. this lack of knowledge that is crippling me. it can get worse. or it can end tonight.

you know that feeling in your chest, when it feels like your body is emptying itself completely of its internal organs, leaving you struggling to find a way to breathe? when you have to stop and listen to see if you still have a heart beat?

no?

well, mines coming back.