02.17.04 - 9:36 pm

pick up a dictionary. go ahead, pick one up. thumb through to the letter F. Now, find the word F A I L U R E.

theres a picture of my face right next to it. infact, the entire definition is just the photograph of my face.

i took a test tonight that i studied for days on. i went to classes. i took notes. we even got an entire front side of a paper to scribble down as much information. formulas, and whatever else we could use to cheat on our exam.

all this to no avail. i ran out of time. me and 70 other individuals and angry and confused at why a test that was so long and intensive was only allocated a small amount of time. this is test two ive failed. and, consequently, the class will follow soon.

i walked home tonight following my educational and personal defeat, i came to several conclusions:

- what the fuck am i doing with psychology?

im not good at it, im not good at statistics, i dont remember most of anything ive been told in all the classes ive taken. im in the wrong major. im doing all the wrong things. im not good at what im forcing myself into. i dont see any promise in this.

what i should be doing is something i enjoy. something im good at. something i remember easily.

as silly as it sounds, i need to be doing something with scuba diving and saltwater environments.

i need to not have a child and a mother of a child to deal with.

i spend too much money.

i cant do math.

im failing college.

i cant keep any of my girlfriends happy.

i cant get good grades.

i cant eat enough.

i cant get to where i want to be.

im currently sitting on a chair of what the fuck and not knowing how to get out.

fuck this.

and to compliment all of this, i still have sarah to deal with in regards to a paternity test.