12.28.04 - 9:09 pm

now that i think about it, im very upset that sarah had me watch ashton last night and tonight. now dont get me wrong, or misread what im not saying. i do love watching this little boy very much. i adore him. he makes me laugh and we always have the most wonderful times together. however. tonight and last night were the only two nights chad will be in town. chad was at a party last night. tonight hes at the bars watching the football game.

im alone in my house with a little boy who commands my full attention.

last night sarah went to a party and then drove her boyfriend to the airport. tonight shes in beaverton working, and afterwards i cant imagine why she wouldnt go out to the strip club across the street.

this is my life. missing oppertunities. missing friends. missing experiences. missing friendships.

"do you think she wants to date someone with a child? i'm not saying you shouldn't date, but i certainly don't think there's a handle on your current situation yet."

yeah, then theres that whole part i get to look forward to. the..."oh, wait, you have a....child. yeah, i wont be around this weekend...." scenario.

i cant wait.