06.15.05 - 6:34 pm

it all comes down to i know whats best for her.

i know its best that she doesnt smoke.
i know its best she gets her GED.
i know its best she works often.
i know its best she stops drinking alcohol so much.
i know its best she stops lying.
i know its best she acts like someone with a child and not a 20 year old sorority girl.

seriously. realize where your life is, instead of how you would prefer it. because you wont be able to get away with what you do for much longer. the angrier i get, the more i find out, the more i distrust you the harder it will be for me to refer to you in nuetral terms to our son. and it will soon be harder for you to hide what sort of mom you are from him. hes going to know you leave him so you can go out and come home drunk. hes going to know the difference between you being drunk and you being high.

and he will also know that no matter where you live, you will be the problem. not the other way around. you lived in salem, but did too many drugs. so you thought by moving home you would do less of them. you did even more. then you moved to beaverton and took up drinking and smoking. so then you moved to eugene. there you took up sex alcohol more smoking and weed. and now you dont like it down there so you want to move somewhere else.

if you move in with gabby and sabrina, nothing will change. gabby is doing exactly what you were doing just a few years ago. and you will start to do the same if you live with her. you will be close again to all those your drank with from hooters. you will smoke. you will drink. you will put ashton somewhere else.

all the while your family knows nothing. your family doesnt know you. they think they do. they think youre someone struggling to raise a child who works hard and often. and you are. but you are also someone much different. and its not ok.

and i cant do a goddamn thing about it. you are the way you are, you will never change.

we will never work. and one day ill know this.