10.25.05 - 1:18 am

how do children grow up to love their parents? where does that come from?

ashton isnt around me nearly as much as hes supposed to, and yet, as far as i can tell, theres still something that seperates me from all the other males in his life. i dont know really, i never really see him around people on sarahs side.

but id like to think he loves me not because of how often im around him, but because of who i am.

is it just an innate obligation people grow up with, understanding that theyre supposed to love their parents?

watching shawn and his daughter today, it fascinated me to think of her loving him. he smokes. drinks alot. cheated on his wife. got a divorce, has another girlfriend. he talks like hes a bad ass gangster from "cali". and yet, im willing to bet that girl loves that man as her father. just because he is her dad. completely irregardless of his qualities.

the same for the daughters of danny bonaduce. do they not see what sort of man he is? how he treats his mother? how often he smokes? does he ignore them? does he make sure they know how important they are to him? just why do they continue to hug and kiss this man, and not be afraid of him?

how does that happen though? why does that happen? how is it different from the love you feel towards a member of the opposite sex, or even the same sex?

i guess what im wondering is....does ashton really know who i am? am i just someone in his life who hes supposed to call daddy, because people have told him to do so?

i cant wait till hes just a bit older so i can ask him myself.