06.06.06 - 11:49 am

AN EDGE
That was a rush,
absolutely incredible.
Such enormous amounts of strength,
unstoppable hated motion
like a boulder tumbling down a vertical slope,
it had to continue.
I couldn�t stop.
My voice growled.
My throat hurt.
My chest pounded.
My muscles shook,
weary with use.
The excitement, brilliantly wild in my eyes.
Calming down
a disappointment.
I stood over the bed
ready
to do it again.
But he was there, clutching his stuffed airplane
and he saw it all.
How much of a monster must I have appeared
in those shadows:
black hooded sweatshirt,
dark blue boxers
with vintage radios.
In the dim light of my room,
the air thick with anger and fear
it was terrible,
it was thrilling.
I unfolded myself for all who were listening
to my most sincerely expressed emotions.
Myself at my most honest.
Most raw.
"Say it, I�m going to kill the bear!"
Then it was sleep.
But not really.
It was pinned arms and tears
and words she needed to hear.
It was her, swiftly building a brick wall
as I stood shouting at it,
hastily piling her bricks on cement
sloppily manufacturing denial
as she had done since she was a child.
Her face hot and swollen with resentment
glossy with tears.
These flames of rage extinguished,
fierce emotions no longer illuminated the room.
The child now asleep,
as she lay there, recovering.
I stood refusing to accept the situation,
my silent blanket of powerlessness,
broken only by the soft breathing of three people in the room.
Red numbers from the alarm clock
reflected off the sheen of my eyes,
drifting from 3:11 to 3:30
faster than I�d ever seen time change.
I don�t remember falling asleep,
Just that I wasn�t sure I wanted to.