07.24.06 - 1:44 am

its always after moments of excessive selfishness, that i feel the most shame and guilt. i think first of my son, and wonder where he is, and why hes not with me...safe, protected and loved.

tonight i felt a tremendous gratitude and support for american soldiers who know not of what i have done tonight, nor will...because theyre ducking heads from mortar rounds and sweating under 75 lbs of body armor. i thought about lebonese people, sleeping at night in fear of waking up to death and devastation, as their apartment or home is buried under rubble and fire from israeli attacks.

i am so fortunate for what i have and am able to do. and its become so increasingly apparent just how fortunate i am in my life. the things i have. the people i know. the life i lead. the body im able to use. the son i have. the car i drive. the money i possess. the parents i have.

i complain alot. but i dont appreciate the things that allow me to do so.

and this needs to end.