03.14.07 - 11:42 pm

i enjoy the alone time. the quietness of my empty house. the fact that i can talk to people on the phone, or chat online wth friends around the world. that i can sit and look at my fish without being disturbed.

but it doesnt last long. an hour or two at most.

and then i start to miss the incessant "dada" from somewhere outside my bedroom. the constant attention he demands. when he wans to show me his earthworms. his paintings. the toy he saw in a commercial he wants for his birthday. the snack he wants. the toys he wants me to play with.

the hugs. when he wants to sit in my lap. when he wants to see my baby clownfish as much as i do.

being alone is nice. but having him around, as tired and frustrated as it makes me, feels more rewarding.

sarah felt embarrassed for the new tattoo she has on her arm.

november 20th, 2002.

the day that saved her life.

i like that she has that. it was cute that she was so reluctant to reveal to me what the banner said. and while i know that for a long while i had wished for different circumstances, i would like her to also appreciate that i personally had a hand in her salvation. me, and not the collection of other tool sheds she was and would be involved with.

disregard that. recognition is pointless and trite. im really just asking for a time machine and a PhD in psychology four to five years ago, and a chance to fix the future.