12.19.07 - 9:01 am

i endured an evening of unpleasant dreams last night. the most startling and uncomfortable was when i murdered most of my immediate family. there was apathy. there was a cool calculation to figuring out how to get away with it. there was childish fantasies about living alone in a great big house.

until my sisters and father found the note my mom scrawled out as she lay dying from the injuries i inflicted. she wrote about forgiving me, how much she still loved me and how she wouldnt resent me. i was in quite a difficult position once the note was found exposing my guilt. terrible dream.

then i was in deep sandy tunnel, which was collapsed specifically to kill me. and i had to lay there as the sand piled upon me in waves dozens of feet thick. the slowly increasing, but choking pressure was becoming too scary so i woke myself up.

then i was riding on the hood of a car with a pillow under my chest. when i adjusted the pillow it suddenly inflated like a parachute and i was flung 100 feet into the air. i landed in a field, able to walk on my own but shaken from the experience.

each of these dreams occurred after i woke myself up to try to dream of something else. i dont know what was going on in there last night, but it wasnt pleasant.