02.24.08 - 4:29 pm

going through the list of phone numbers on my cell phone, i passed through those under the letter G.

Grandma Val.

being so far removed from the whole situation has allowed me to not yet feel anything. it has spared me temporarily. maybe in such a way that will allow me to concede to acceptance by the time the funeral actually occurs. regardless, i did feel my stomach sink as i saw her name, and reminded myself that the number will never have the voice of my grandma on the other end again. if i call it, i might get her answering machine and hear my fathers voice. but now its just a painful reminder. a name in a list of names.

with one subtle difference.