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07.03.08 - 12:38 am the time for enjoying the ease at which i parent with sarah has come to an end. things were good. ashton went between us and our schedules effortlessly. anytime its this easy, i count my blessings and appreciate how nice diplomacy is over legal confrontations. it reminds me that stuff like this is possible, does happen in real life and that lengthy court room battles arent necessary if only because of communication and compassion. this phase only lasts a few weeks however. sarah abruptly ends the comfortable euphoria with a childish tirade or some sort of authoritative coup d'�tat in which total control is the ultimate goal. she was living in sherwood, found a daycare lady; someone her boyfriends family knew "...and thats more than i could ever ask for." implying that other daycare providers are shady, creepy and unreliable. this was all fine, while she lived in sherwood. but a few weeks later, she moved to tualatin a good twenty minutes or more away from this lady. she drops him off at 830 am. this put a titanic wrench into our effortless machine: i watched him monday through thursday mornings one week; the following week wednesday through fridays. now with this babysitter nearly 45 minutes out of my way, on the days im supposed to have him and nearly four hours earlier than necessary....it really makes things difficult. so i did it. once. i began a search for my own daycare. sarah quickly put a stop to this and demanded that it all just wasnt working out. the system in place for the past few months just was too hard on ashton. she wanted more stability. so now i would just pick him up after i got off work on tuesdays and have him til thursday mornings. so that means im off work tuesday at 7pm, i pick him up and have all day wednesday off only to drop him off again on thursday at noon. not even two full days. she was ok with this. i am not. we did this for a while, as i requested information from daycare providers on craigslist. so i said i would find my own daycare for thursdays and keep him til friday mornings. she flew off the handle. "why would i need daycare for ashton if she doesnt work on thursdays? why would i want him in daycare when he could be with his mother?" "well, ok, he can stay with you, and then ill just pick him back up after work." "...and then what, youll just drop him off again friday morning? no, no way, he cant handle that. too much moving around. you can just pick him up the following week. ill take him." "he can handle it," i said confidently. "infact, im sure if you asked him, hed rather spend as much time with his father as he could." "do you want to tell a judge that? do you? you want to tell a judge that?" "yes, i would." "...how do you know that?!" she shrieked. "jordan, hes a five year old. he doesnt know whats best for him." "sarah, he will be fine. ill drop him off thursday mornings, pick him up after work and drop him back off again friday morning." "and then what? you get off at seven, you go home and then put him right to bed. all that shuffling around for two extra hours? how selfish. im trying to do whats best for my son. not whats good for me or convenient for me, whats best for my son." there was another voice muttering something in the background. "yeah, totally," as she agreed with what was said, and then came to reiterate it to me, "yeah, how about you just dont have him at all, would you prefer that?" what? was that fucking dusty saying shit back there? fucking dusty?! "im not going to be a weekend dad sarah, im just not going to do that." i was shaking. ashton and julie prepared our dinner in the same kitchen i stood talking into my cellphone. it was quiet on her end. she explained she couldnt talk to me anymore, she was getting off the phone. ok i said. she repeated. ok, i repeated. it was quiet and then she hung up. rage trembled my entire body. i decided just to go along with it. to do what she said, to appease her until her mood changed again. but then she asked one morning, do you know any reason why your name wouldnt be on ashtons birth certificate? ugh. i went to the records department, sure enough. not on there. couldnt get myself a copy of his certificate. instead, i have to fill out some form with sarah filling it out as well in the presence of a notary. that and thirty bucks will get me on there. a responsible individual fathered this child. my rights as a parent depend on my name being present on that piece of paper. so our discussion today was more of the same. except she works thursday and was planning on taking ashton to sherwood for his daycare. i told her i would get someone closer, more local. someone family, and she could have ashton friday morning. she agreed. begrudgingly. i told her it was worth it to me to have him thursday nights. that it was worth having him for four extra hours after work. she scoffed. tried repeatedly to make it seem like four hours wasnt important, that having him an extra night was worthless if it wasnt an entire day off. i told her i have to work. i cant take days off just to watch my son. its the way the modern world works, you work, you pick up your kids afterwards. she told me not to lecture her on the world. she was trying her damndest to have me just give in and accept only watching him for two days. to pick him up, make some dinner, watch a movie, take a bath, read a book and put him to bed. to wake up with him in the morning and then drop him off. those four extra hours were a blessing to me. she went silent. after several seconds of silence, she hung up. then the texts began. sarah: frustrating person. me: i dont want to be. at all. i really just want my son as much as possible and you are really against it. and thats where our problems stem from. listen, im going to need you to sign some papers with a notary present. we can do it at my bank. then i want us to go to mediation, and get our schedules with ashton set up. i think it would relieve alot of our problems. sarah: im not going to sign anything in written unless i agree with it. if its getting notarized. and ill have to talk to my lawyer first. sarah: what papers you mean? sarah: i mean....really. who do you think you are to tell me youre going to need me to sign papers. how about i write up an agreement, then that can be notarized. me: and thats fine. its to get my name on ashtons birth certificate, something im sure youll want. sarah: doesnt matter to me, my names on it. sarah: ill think about it.
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