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01.05.09 - 11:25 am i love that song. it popped up one day. its been on repeat since. i have alot of things to do today. the bathtub needs to be cleaned. i have some things to take to goodwill. the dishes need to be taken out. i need to figure out the email alert on my aquacontroller. i have two clients to go see today. i have some mustache pictures to play with. i have some phone calls to make. and i have plenty of time to waste. if people ask how things are going, i say great. and for the most part they are. i had a great new years. i saw some great people. our gathering at the blue moon was probably one of the most epic gatherings in recent memories. a myriad of familiar faces. my sisters actually came out. the peace with inches speech on the corner. justin and his two trademark phrases: GO ON N' GIT! ...if you want to (insert activity here) you gotta give me some moneeeeeey! there was the pizza across the street. the bottle and snow ball fight immediately afterwards. there was the hotel room and the sphinx. followed by the sleeping on the floor around 5 am. my girlfriend is great. shes provides a tremendous amount of support and companionship. my parents adore her. my grandfather does too. my friends all enjoy her as well. she wants to move in together. id like to say im adamantly against this. but to spare myself another frustrating argument, ill say im open to the idea of it. later. weve had two such "discussions" and in both my voice slowly raises and my statements become more painfully pointed and concise. i use stronger terms that she takes as insensitive, but i constructed to be as unambiguous and direct as possible. a major portion of our relationship has been her rapid development and my slow progression to catch up. this is one of those such instances. shes ready for the move in together part of a relationship, and im unable to feel comfortable with the commitment. do i have to be pushed to want it? am i just unaware of what i am missing out on? when im ready to do it, ill want to do it. thats the stand im taking. and then there is the dark financial struggle i face. hopefully when i make some calls today, ill get the groundwork laid, but i mostly anticipate disaster. a career would help. a teacher is what ive been considering. im living off $22k a year. as a teacher i could be making $33k. in theory. that extra ten thousand a month could go to student loans, and i think that would make them happy. i think then they would leave me alone. but i dont know if they will be able to wait until then before they strike. theyve already got their claws extended. now they are just starting to apply pressure. its only a matter of time before the skin breaks. Some some some I some I murder
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