12.09.09 - 10:56 am

the hubris of fate is in the timing of its folly.

did it all really have to wait this long to come out? couldnt this information been relayed to me months ago? even a month ago would have been nice. if only he had answered the phone that morning, perhaps things would be slightly different right now.

my attorney called him. no answer.

then the warnings from sarah started.

dusty is saying that you and him talk all the time now. dusty is saying that you and him are meeting.
dusty is a compulsive liar.
dusty is violent.
dusty is manipulative.
dusty has a lot of problems.
dusty cant be trusted or believed.

she built up a good case. the police reports. the allegations that he was aggressive and violent all matched with the police report statements, the ease at which she was able to get a restraining order, the things ashton mentioned. i was beginning to feel that perhaps he was violent and dangerous. the manipulations seemed to correlate with the brainwashing that ashton would always come to me with. i was glad he wasnt allowed to be anywhere near ashton. i thought the situation was resolving, sarah was working towards getting him out of her life and things would smooth out and calm down for me and ashton. sarah was coming around and being exceptionally nice. she wanted to talk like parents. she wanted to discuss things like normal people communicate. she called me after another altercation, crying. explaining how she has no one else to talk to. she lamented that she was ever involved with dusty. she explained that dusty controlled her their whole relationship. that dusty pushed for her to get custody of ashton. that dusty told her i was a predator and vindictive of her. that i didnt care about ashton, only about hurting her. she explained that she now knows otherwise. that she regretted the court case just a few months into it. that before dusty, her and i got along fairly well and probably could have figured it out on our own.
the next few days she would call me and have me watch ashton if she had some things to do that shouldnt include ashton. she would immediately tear up when describing how hard protecting her family from such a dangerous manipulative person is. i felt minute tinges of sympathy. barely recognizable as such after i reminded myself of mediation last year. the entire following year. the entire six previous years.

and then he finally did call.

suddenly it was dustys turn to seek out my endorsement. dusty came prepared with his own set of damning allegations. he came with recommendations from his attorney. where sarah came for my support with pleadings of sympathy, dustys strategy was to impress me with his confidence and facts.

his stories of sarahs mental instability matched the experiences i endured while in a relationship with her myself. he would claim that shes been doing coke, hence the weight loss. shes been snorting prescription medications. shes on antidepressents. two people have come to him saying theyve seen her do heroin. shes uploaded nude pictures of herself to the internet. she actually tried to kill him with her car. shes come at him while sleeping, hitting him in his face completely disoriented from drugs. shes texted him almost 1000 times in the last five days. he claims she texted him to let him know that she filed the restraining order not to keep dusty from ashton or her, but to keep me from gaining custody of ashton. dusty claims he has documents, text messages, emails all ready for me to have copies of. he thinks sarah is a danger to herself and her children.

wow.

when i think about it all at once, i want to put my hand up and give myself a few moments to catch my breath.

i cant tell who im more inclined to believe. but i find myself apathetic to each of their plights. i just want the damning information. i want the facts. i want to inflict the most amount of legal harm i can on both of them if necessary. i want to take ashton away, keep him here and safe. i want to normalize his life. i dont want to worry about dusty coming over in a rage and strangling sarah and then wild eyed looking over at ashton. i dont want sarah to kill her children and attempt suicide herself.

i dont want to feel powerless. but i am.

if money wasnt an object, i would feel like i could do so much more right now. but instead i wait.

i wait for more information. i wait for more facts. i wait for more concrete, tangible evidence.

fate, you son of a bitch.