07.27.13 - 8:47 am

this had been a good barbecue. found in SE portland with a hand written FREE sign, julie and i took full advantage. i had cleaned it up, hoisted to the second story of my town home and used it for a solid two years of cooking. internally it was rusted to hell, but to replace the components would have been more expensive than just buying a brand new barbecue, so i didn't bother as long as my meat remained cooked.

then one day early this summer, i refilled my empty propane tank for the first barbecue of the year. turned her on and sank with disappointment. the thermostat was struggling to touch the 150 degree mark. my meat was quietly decaying upon the grill. this was quickly remedied with a noisy shuffle down the stairs, ancient fragments of scorched flesh trailing in the carpet. after a trip to home depot, an hour of internal debate and $200, a shiny new aluminum barbecue beamed and roared at over 600 degrees from my balcony.

for weeks the husk of that free barbecue languished in my garage. what does one do with a defective old barbecue? i didn't have a truck to tow it off and leave it behind some warehouse. i didn't want to just white trash it and leave the thing on my front yard. so it sat until i was finally motivated to do this:

when the emails starting coming in asking for an address, i simply told them where it would be without specifically identifying my residence. its craigslist. the media makes me afraid of people who use craigslist. i detailed only: at the end of the culdesac. down graven street. off hwy 99. out front on the sidewalk. first come first serve.

by six pm it was gone. a gentleman drove up in his subaru and loaded the rusting heap into the back and she was gone. i hadn't been murdered. i had a large section of my garage back.

two hours later ashton would tell me that my neighbors new barbecue was stolen from their front yard. it looked similar to this:

i would quietly whisper to julie, "i think i am partly responsible for that."

these neighbors constantly barbecue in their front yard due to the immense size of this thing. it was a wood barbecue. as in, it used full pieces of cut timber to cook. naturally it looked like a house was on fire to the casual neighborhood observer any time this thing was in use. this particularly unfortunate day, they just cooked a rack of animal and walked three houses down to eat outside with the neighbors. as they do most nights. less than two hours later they would see a large truck with three guys drive down the street past them as they ate. and then leave with the canopy door hanging open. they said they even waved at the passing gentlemen.

since this barbecue had just been used when it was taken, the thing was still alive. kindly however, the thieves took a near by bucket of water to slightly cool it down before loading the whole goddamn thing into their truck. never mind the fact that it looks nothing like the crappy kenmore barbecue i had posted a picture of. never mind that it was still cooking. and thats where my guilt ends, because who steals a different barbecue�..thats currently in use?