03.08.14 - 9:26 am

ill fly out tomorrow. julie and ash will fly out thursday. there was just no other choice. if my eyes had lasers, i would have seared that woman in half. as a nice complimentary fuck you and your plans, southwest gave us $300 in travel vouchers. and then that was that. our plane was in the air. my fish were headed to orlando. we were standing in portland. so we staggered back through the airport, running through our minds all the things that had incrementally chewed up our time, creating the scenario leading up to missing our flight in the first place. who did what. what cost us the most amount of time. why did we do this. why did we do that. our frustration could have easily erupted into personal attacks, but we didnt let it. southwest being so quick to give away our three seats was a good place to pour our anger for the time being.

fortunately julies uncle was near, and was able to come pick us up and bring us back to his house in camas. we had nothing. and now i had some problems desperately needing solutions: how would i get to the airport by 645 tomorrow morning from camas, and early enough that i wouldnt get bumped a second time? what would julie and ashton do for two days? what would happen to my animals? how could i get them from orlando to vero beach within the next 24 hours if i wasnt in florida? did we need to cancel our hotel? our rental car?

omg.

so when we got back to camas, the sweet nectar of paper production gently eased julie and i into battle mode. after two hard ciders, our home cooked fajita style dinner and some olympic viewing, we got to work. im not entirely sure how she was able to pull it off, but some how in spite of the Southwest Airlines employee who insisted there were no other flights available at any time to us prior to thursday, julie was able to not only secure seats for her and ashton, but at the exact same time i would be flying out tomorrow morning. we both would be leaving oregon around 645 am on tuesday. while my flight would take me to Las Vegas to Atlanta to Orlando, her and ashton would fly just to Chicago then Orlando and land within 10 minutes of my arrival. it lined up perfectly. almost too perfectly. i dont know how that girl does these things.

the next order of business was my fish. my original plan had been to land in florida monday evening, get to a hotel in orlando for the night, and the following morning get my fish two hours away to a vero beach fish store when they open. the fish would have been bagged for only 24 hours and would be fine. with this new scenario, i would now be landing tuesday night, the store would be closed and i would have to wait until the following morning to then drop them off. this would put them bagged closer to 48 hours. all sorts of terrible things would happen to them by this point. and this would be unacceptable. i would need someone to pick up my fish from the orlando international airport, drive them to vero beach and drop them off for me all while i was in the air. i thought about hitting the fish forums, asking strangers to assist. i have some really nice livestock. how could i prevent people from stealing it? killing it? i thought about matt gilmore. i thought about calling my work. in the end, i put all my hopes and dreams into one man. with the head of a man, body of a lion. carved from one piece of stone.

this is what i was asking of john helgesson:

to drive from west palm beach to orlando airport. two hours forty minutes. 167 miles.
pick up fish and drive from orlando airport to vero beach. one hour forty minutes. 97 miles.
and then either drive home an hour and thirty minutes south. 73 miles. or hang out in vero beach until i get there sometime around 830 pm tuesday evening.

thats over five and a half hours of driving. 337 miles. and then potentially another 6 hours of sitting around in vero beach. all for one fucking tote of stupid fish. and you know what?

he did it.