12.19.01 - 1:04am

usually i get a burst of thought in my head. actually i believe it to be more like a monologue. a monologue in my head that i feel must be recorded here. but by the time i write down the date and the time, the desire, the motivation is gone.

this could actually be a metaphor for me and girls.

i wonder if i sometimes have lucid dreams where erin shorthill is the love of my life. i wonder if i do and then just forget.

what else do i forget on a daily basis? what sort of hidden symbols in the context, the canvas of my visual perceptions do i forget? what sort of insignificant sights such as what or how a certain leaf was positioned on the hood of my car or if nathan breathed in heavily and exhaled during tonights movie? what would life be like if life was nothing more than rapid flashes of inept, unimportant events? is that how life is? are these events really insignificant in the scheme of space/time? what if thousands of years from now, humanity ceases to be simply because i listened to "runaround sue" on next monday at 3:14pm? or how mnay people get married merely because i squeezed past them at a concert?

you think ill cry?

i wont cry!

my heart will break before i cry.

.......ill go mad.