04.29.02 - 5:07 am

tall buildings. the rain. collapsing floors. in pieces. one by one. the heaviest, most water soaked floors first, then the one below it. then the one below that. screams. materials. the structure of the structure falling around. sparks. screams. rushing water. panic. where to go so ill live. the doorway. the breaking doorway. i cant do anything but let myself be crushed. and hope they pick me from the rubble before i drown. im claustrophobic. im not going to enjoy this. here we go.

darkness.

awaking i see people. thousands. buckets. some struggling to lift them. buckets full of wreckage. photoalbums. dolls. lamps. pencils. wires. bolts. clothing. wood. glass. a hand. little screws with yellow paper on them. numbered yellow paper. going floor by floor. down. one after another. filling buckets with pieces of lives. theres a list. check if things found match numbered screws in bucket. theres a list. list has the number of the screws with a name. im gathering the belongings of someone who died here. in this. in this wet, dirty, pile of building. wait. numbers. the dead. away from the pile, all around me friends. weary. theyre tired from doing the same. people ive loved. people i need in my life. their heads low. building stained clothing. lindquist. evan. grants here too. good. my highschool was in this building. where is.......ill find them. later. sisters. find them. dad, did they find them. did they find them. they found......something. what. its nothing you need to worry about yet.

that feeling you get as you speed over a dip in the road. forever. i woke up. i cried. i wrote i love you emails. i havent cried or felt this hopeless in as long as i can remember. i cant imagine this pain being for real. i cant imagine this is what people have to deal with. i dont want to. i wouldnt. i wouldnt do anything. to make the pain go away. i love my sisters. dont forget that. the end.