05.06.02 - 11:51 pm

im going to fall for this. and its not going to make me feel good when it happens. sometimes i get tired of feeling hopeless. giving up is impossible, not by choice, but by psychological dependance on the hypothetical situation. i cant have faith. visually signs are more blatant than through the written language.

i think i used to scoff at the idea of older people wanting to settle down with their younger love interests, and the latter always feeling too young and free to be tied down. much to the dismay of the prior.

i want to feel like jennifer connelly in requiem for a dream. at the end.

my security has become a growing list of goals that need to be accomplished in order for me to feel complete. i fear the list will be exponentially never ending. this bothers me.

she likes lilacs. purple ones. and the two months in which it blooms. and yet, a quiet, but growing voice inside me is beginning to ask about andi again.