06.05.02 - 9:33 pm

whether or not you like to sneeze, you still strongly dislike the feeling of an impending sneeze that just wont come. equally as frustrating, the slight tingle of pressure building right behind your nose, just under your eyes and deep within your chest. welling of tears, and the strong want, if not need to cry. i could have cried. i could have not had such restraint. it would have felt good. i would have been able to sigh afterwards and smiled, feeling like i had just taken a hot shower with some irish spring bar soap.

but i didnt. i didnt cry. i just chewed it back. didnt say much. i wanted to also act the opposite of how i felt. but i didnt have the stamina to do so. she knew something was bothering me. she just didnt know how to handle it. and i didnt know what do to do with how i felt.

shes gone. im here. i dont feel good. i want to say i dont know why, but, as silly as it is, i think its probably the feeling in me that she came down here just so i could buy her cigarrettes. i dont remember being fond of someone being this frustrating, painful and annoying.

id prefer to not come out of my room tonight.