11.21.02 - 12:17 am

once we hopped fences and played on playground structures at elementary schools at 2 in the morning. we spent an evening at a cemetary, looking at headstones and kissing each other with our eyes open for danger. after eating some mushrooms, she told me i had lice and i burst into tears sitting on a cement patio. she used to hate dancing. she would laugh and call me a dork. she would look at the light of my fish tank reflecting off my eyes and tell me, "your eyes have a little bit of green in them...right...there." she loved giving me hickies against my will. she bought me dozens of meals at jack in the box, and id always make sure my bed was made and my room smelled good before she arrived. we used to tell each other "i like you" constantly.

all of this slowly slipped away. today she is none of those things. tonight she was someone else; angry, easily frustrated, silent, and hollow. she couldnt keep a conversation going because shed forget what her train of thought was. she said the second most painful collection of phrases ive ever heard. and the last genuine thing she said to me tonight was, voice full of spite and annoyance, "...well i did break up with you..."

this is what meth has done to her. using almost every other day now has turned her aggressive and careless. she just doesnt care about anything she said. after her upcoming two week arizona trip shell get better. but prior to this she told me, "you shouldnt of believed me when i said that before."

its only going to get worse. i promise.