12.26.02 - 2:47 pm

last night was one of the most enjoyable evenings ive had in the past 35 + days.

my hands traced over breasts that weighed more than they had the last time i touched them. i pressed my lips to her lips and just held them there, fearing this could be the last time. i smiled, i laughed. but i heard her laugh too, and smile...because of me. i pulled hair from her face, and rested my fingers in her palms. she said she liked me, she wanted to move in and live together, as a couple and that she was very attracted to me. the feelings of hopelessness disappeared, and i finally felt for once, this can work. this is going to be ok.

but behind the curtain of security and comfort, i quietly whispered to myself, this isnt real, its going to change, youre going to get hurt again.

its highly possible. but after 35+ days, i needed last night at any cost.