03.31.03 - 3:31 pm

i hate feeling like this.

i recently acquired $922 and immediately, without fail im urged to spend it. you can afford a calcium reactor now. think of all the clams you could buy.what about that refractometer? get an anemone. seriously though, buy some clams. corals even. lets go shopping. tomorrow.

better yet, lets go to portland....now.

and theyre reciprocal. a never ending stream of thoughts all suggesting themselves to each other. if you have a keen eye, one will notice none of those items include things like:

rent

bills

gas

food

CHILD

important essential things are erased from this irrational thunderstorm of thought.

im cutting back. im going to limit myself. $50 a month. you were supposed to be done. always more to buy. more i need. constant upgrades. bigger fish. better clams. more rock. bigger tank. better lights. more lights. more powerful protein skimmers. more salt. reverse osmosis unit. fuck fuck fuck fuck.

an expensive and socially ignored addiction. is it addiction? am i just compulsive?

thats it. im compulsive. i have a compulsive spending problem based upon the hobby i am currently enslaved by.

compulsive. thats it.

have you ever fucked on cocaine?