03.08.04 - 9:51 pm

my bicycle and i rode home together from the library, my ears filled with all american rejects. the song played as a soundtrack for my entire ride. my entire final scene. that end scene in the movie, where the main character, alone, treads onward with a final ballad right before the credits start to rise over the scene.

i was that guy for awhile. the air was warm, and felt good as i slid through it. i didnt hear car horns. or sirens. or people talking. just a soundless world filled with music.

but even as good as it felt, a heaviness approached. once i locked up my bike and sat in my chair, my problems would then unfold and present themselves.

"...because i already know you won't push at all..."

it doesnt get any easier. if one part of my life gets satisfied, then one other part gets neglected. a tennis game of problem solving, neglect and satisfaction.

it feels like a good time to move somewhere different. it feels too cramped and soiled here. things are damaged beyond my deisre to fix them, because it all seems just so temporary.

new friends? dont need any. im fine by myself. and maybe, most of the time i would prefer it that way.

i have pictures of my son and me on my desk. hes smiling in one, and looks concerned on my shoulders in the next. id be nice if he was older, old enough to hop in a car with me and drive to another state with. itd be nice if it could just be him and me and no other concerns to impede our satisfaction.

you know what? i dont even need to hear your answer.