08.22.04 - 8:52 pm

"oh jordan grow up."

these words still haunt me, now pushing a year later. that whole evening still trails me like a phantom. tonight, those are what i am reminded up of the most.

i simply shake my head in utter disbelief at this woman. does she feel embarassed? ashamed? does she feel completely secure? to me thinking of ashton smoking or doing drugs or getting a girl pregnant are at the top of my list for family habits that are going to stop with him. i cannot possibly fathom the state of mind that it would take for a woman who cares so much for her granddaughter and great grandson to consciously go to the store, buy an entire carton of cigarrettes and then still have the ability to hand them to her so that she can smoke them. each pack.

does that make sense? if i smoked, if i coughed all the time, if i had problems exherting myself physically, if i knew cancer was going to be written in my obituary, if i knew all of these things, why would i want to pass on those as gifts to my granddaughter? and what sort of retort is, "oh jordan grow up" when youre attacked on your choice?

your child did more than just experiment with illicit drugs and alcohol. she also got pregnant very young. and then your granddaughter wasted two years of her life with narcotics, smoking and alcohol. coincidentally enough, she also got pregnant at an early age.

one generation could be excused. but two? isnt that....slightly alarming?

what sort of support system are you by trying to encourage your granddaughter to continue poisoning her body. thats ok, but then chastizing her boyfriend for not being the father you expect him to suddenly want to be is acceptable?

i guess im still confused as to just who you think you are.