01.02.05 - 1:54 am

what a peculiar request. "leave me with that". why that?
i still remember. i still remember watching him. so composed. i remember her, struggling. i remember an overwhelming sense of despair. a euphoria of anger and misery. i remember crying, finally. i remember feeling relieved at expressing the emotions i was needing to convey. it was hard. it was hard watching him shake hands and hug. knowing why they were hugging him. and why i was there, dressed as i was, feeling as i did.
and all i remember is that damn busy signal.
and then it was done.
and dont think for one second i ever stopped feeling sad. i have these feelings. i have things to ask. i have things to say. i have demands that will never be met. i needed her just as much as everyone else did.
im sad. i miss her. i think about her every day. i think about grandpa every day. and i dont like it one bit.