01.17.05 - 11:29 pm

so, shit.
i told her id be with a girl tonight. and that there might be romantic happenings with this girl. sarah retorted that she would probably kiss someone tonight as well.

but nothing happened on my end. i feel like i should be scrambling to find a cell phone, hastily dialing the numbers, fingers fumbling over the tiny keys, seconds ticking down...

meanwhile, she sits close to him, his hands slowly tracing over her shoulders and down her sides. hes moving closer to her lips, she slowly closes her eyes...

finally it rings. he waits, breathing heavily.

...just a breath away...then her cell phone rings.

"listen, nothing happened tonight. she has a boyfriend, i was home by 11."

she lets out a silent sigh of relief. nervously looks at him, and then lowers her eyes, a slight smile breaking her lips.

"i was so close," she whispers, her hand over her mouth, "...ok, ill meet you in an hour."

and then the delusional boy gives back the cell phone he borrowed, nods in thanks, and realizes hes sitting at home on a monday night, typing an imaginary story about his exgirlfriend and her boyfriend in an attempt to deny the knowledge that shes probably making out with him right now, and preparing to spend the night. let me tell you, this is one pathetic exboyfriend. im almost ready to just give up on pretending im strong and ok with this. its almost to the point where i dont care just how lowly and ridiculous i become.

how lowly and ridiculous ive become.