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02.03.05 - 8:59 am fuck you. and let me tell you why. i cant believe how i just...walked into all this. so blindly. here you were the whole time just completely negating your behavior and spotlighting mine. "well, you just took too long, i guess. and italy, and not wanting me around." oh. well, shall i compose a list of all the shit that you did that made me want to go to italy without you? made me "take too long" to realize i wanted you. made me not want you around? sarah you were completely an irrational monster. you put me through more shit as a girlfriend than most married couples have to endure. and i stayed with you. i stayed with you through your meth habit. i stayed with you through your smoking. i stayed with you through your first breakup with me when you were coming off a weekend binge of narcotics and poisons. i stayed with you through the screaming. the kicking. the hitting. i stayed with you through kevin, sean and blaine. i stayed with you after you crawled out my windows holding ashton. i stayed with you after you held ashton and smoked as heavily as you could. i stayed with you after you threw my keys into the bushes in the dark. i stayed with you through the flashlight you threw and hit my car with. i stayed with you after you stayed pregnant. sarah, i loved you. i stayed with you like a fool because i always thought things would get better. and you always make it seem like its my fault im where i am. of course you make it seem that way. because that would mean you cant be held accountable for the way you acted, and the way i acted in response. isnt that really all it comes down to? you always say i made you crazy by how i acted. well what about me acting the way i did because you were acting crazy? i really am full of perpetual disdain for you sarah. you hurt. even now, you continue to do irrational things. parts of me that are holding on to you are finally dying sarah, and that hurts. that scares me. soon there wont be anything left where you were. and i know there were some good parts. i know there were some parts i wanted forever. but youd prefer to see those parts dying.
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