02.03.05 - 1:39 am

that was stupid. that was just so fucking stupid. i walked right into what i knew i was going to hear.

i hate this.

im selfish because i want her to feel this way. yes, shes right it is selfish. i want her to hurt and feel this pain. but i also want to have her to relate with me. i want her to hurt so she understands, so that i can have someone to understand with me. so i can get these feelings out of me and get rid of them.

she doesnt want to be with me.

and this makes me so mad. and so terribly upset.
and ive got her to talk to me about her and blaines sex life so comfortably. and i hate that too.

shes not confused. she knows. she knows exactly what she wants and what shes doing. her emails and text messages all lie. but her words do not.

her and i are done. she wants me to be happy and to not think of her. she wants me to want her to be happy, because if i really loved her thats what i would want.

i dont want her to be happy. why would i want her to be happy with blaine?
i want her to be happy with me for fucks sake.

and if not that

then i want me to be happy without her. and so far its proved impossible.