02.04.05 - 12:50 pm

so many external flaws to list so that i can internalize my guilt.
if only i liked beer and bars more than fish. if only i worked out and had more muscles. if only i was more attractive. if only i talked about cars more. if only i had a nicer car. if only i had nicer clothes.if only i wasnt going to school and had more time. if only i was a server. if only i had had a cell phone earlier.

the list is endless really. so many ways to justify why she refuses to me. and how pathetic it is to even mull these thoughts over and over in my head.

oh well. eventually ill be able to justify why im not with her and not, why shes not with me.