02.04.05 - 3:45 pm

if someone were to ask me why i did it, why i chose to saturating myself with anguish in spite of all the horrible things she said, and all the many times she tried telling you she was done with you, what would i say?

i would say, underneath all her anger, and spiteful words and painful phrases there always seemed to be just a glimmer of hope. a faint whisper of "yes, i want you back." and how hard i tried to find those, and pull those out for her and wrap myself up in them. but she guarded her feelings well. she protected them with anger, frustration and blaine.
and i dont have anything to wear her down. i dont have anything i know will work.

even standing outside her house holding a stereobox with a peter gabriel song playing seems so hopeless.