|
|
|
02.04.05 - 10:05 pm for just a few brief moments something happened. i sat on that chair in the office...and didnt feel the emptyness in my chest. i didnt feel the constant nausea or discomfort. my teeth werent clenched, and my jaw and face were overall quite relaxed. i felt ok. i saw images of sarah swapping ashton with me, and me hugging her and wishing her a good day. and us driving off in our seperate directions. i felt like i could ask her how her and blaine were and not feel anything when i heard her response. it was brief. i kept trying to hold on to it. i changed my breathing. i closed my eyes. but my mind doesnt have a tight grip on things that are slippery and imaginary. instead, like a curtain falling down, revealing a hidden stage behind, my wonderful thoughts of apathy were replaced by sarah and blaine practicing different sexual positions. and immediately everything uncomfortable returned. my teeth became sore. my eyes frowned. my heart rate ceased to exist. and waves of nausea soon returned. but just for a moment, i thought i felt what it was like. but i too soon realized that i was angry at myself for even accepting a situation such as that.
|