02.05.05 - 12:23 am

i finally was able to get some of this shit out of me tonight.

i finally cried.

just a little bit. not long enough to be therapudic, but enough to finally feel something other than misery. i felt a temporary lifting of anguish. i felt the burden of sadness lighten just long enough to feel relieved. after you cry you always have this sensation just under your eyes, and breathing seems that much more easier and enjoyable.

i cried though. i cried to my mom. i cried because im pathetic, and i know it. i cried because she knows it. i cried because i dont hide how hurt i am from her, and i wish i did. i cried because i just cant keep feeling this way for much longer. i cant substain this amount of emotional discomfort every day. its too taxing. its too hard. i need to break apart. i need to stop feeling so helpless.

mom suggested a terrific idea, however, one sarah will refuse to participate in. ill suggest it to her tomorrow night, when she has her grandparents or friend watch ashton while she goes out.
again.

i cried.