07.07.05 - 5:15 pm

does it make me feel better? i guess.
does it make her disappear? no.
does it make me stop thinking about her? barely.
do i have to keep doing this? absolutely.
for how much longer? as long as it takes.
how does this make you feel? stupid. lame. angry.
why does it make you feel angry? because id rather not be here doing this.

today i punched cardboard boxes, imagining they were the faces of all the guys sarah thinks of. imagining them tied up of course, tied to a chair in some dimly lit room.
occasionally i imagined them hitting me. but then id put my fist through the box and they would be knocked unconscious. ive never gotten to punch anyone. ive never had to. on top of that, ill never get to express my anger towards the male species. theyre disgusting. and i am no different.