07.13.05 - 5:14 pm

disgusting. absolutely revolting. needless thoughts puncture my visual field and i struggle to keep from vomiting.
im not joking.
things that were once jovial and exciting between us, are now repulsive when i imagine her doing them with someone else. and of course she has. and of course she will. and of course i will be unable to stop feeling so gross about it.

goddamnit. she fucking disgusts me.

and look at me. trying my best to keep up. to erase her with things comparable to her own late night activities. i feel no better. adding to my discomfort to our breakup, i then feel shame. guilt. remorse. and equally as filthy.

i have got to stop this. i have got to stop talking to her. i have got to stop seeing her. thats the only way i can fucking get through this. every two fucking days i have to check in with her and give her my schedule. i have to watch her play with my son. i have to see her friends waiting patiently in her car, anxiously to leave and have more fun once the burden is passed on to someone else.

i have terets. spouting profanities when no one is around except those fucking images. and thats exactly what they are.
fucking.
images.

this is disgusting.