07.27.05 - 11:05 pm

inspite of where i am, and what i have been doing, its still a lump in my throat. its still a wave of nausea. shes still there, as much as i push her away. as obscure as she hides in my thoughts. i should have seen it coming. the way she was there. the way he was there. how she acted. how she moved. it should have been obvious.

ive got that taste in my mouth. that feeling in my stomach. that feeling that
youve been somewhere id prefer you stay away from. i should have seen this coming. my mom even told me what she had said was a lie. has my mother ever been wrong? not yet.

ive spent these days in solace. away from you. away from you in my head. i didnt have to call you every two days. i didnt have to give you a check up. i didnt have to hear you. i got my break. im close. but still have so much left to do.

you only hurt late at night.