08.23.05 - 10:00 pm

"and ill need some medium worms."
"do you mean meal worms?"
"yes, i think so. medium...meal worms."
"ok, you can get those just over there in that fridge..."
"no. i need someone else to get them. i cant go over there."
"oh. ok."

over there was the reptile section. the place where more people seize up in psuedo panic attacks and demonstrations of irrational fears than the three other departments of the store: birds, fish and small animals. and everytime i get really annoyed.

immediately in my head, during the span of just a few seconds i snapped into therapist mode. radical therapist mode, and worked with her on a combo assualt of exposure, gestalt and psychoanalytic therapies. maybe not so much the last one. maybe not any of them. maybe i just berrated her.

"why dont you feel like going over there to get your meal worms?"
"i...i...i just cant. im terrified. i just wont go over there, ok?"
"why."
"snakes. lizards. spiders. they just give me the creeps. i cant do it."
"do they make you uncomfortable? does your heart rate speed up? do you feel a shortness of breath when you see a reptile or know one is around?"
"yes. its not that im scared. i just hate them."
"right. let me tell you what i think. i think you dont like discomfort. you like to be warm, well fed and anxietyless. but you are fat. you are an obese unhealthy person. you live in discomfort. it is uncomfortable for you to get out of a car. it is uncomfortable for you to do any sort of physical exertion with your children. it is uncomfortable for you to look at magazines of healthy people who can control their eating and who are motivated to be active. you cant even get up the stairs to your house without breaking a sweat. laboring your breathing. you are an uncomfortable person. you are fat. how can you tell me that standing 5 feet from locked, secured cages containing nonvenomous, nondangerous, nonaggressive animals is any less anxiety provoking than walking into a gym on a regular basis? what happened to you, when you were younger, in your past, that caused you to have such a terrible irrational fear of things that can do no harm to you?"
"....a spider crawled over my foot when i was very young. and my father got bit by a rattlesnake."
"did he live?"
"yes."
"ok. now tell me, how do those two events have anything to do with you reaching into a refridgerator containing insect larvae and returning back to the register?"
"i just panic."
"about what? have you ever been stung by a bee?"
"what? yes. why?"
"was it particularly painful, did you almost die? did you think about what would happen if you did die because of pain you were in?"
"no, not at all. it was a bee sting. why?"
"thats how bad it would feel if you were stung by a scorpion. the same scorpions we have over there. the same scorpions which will only sting you if you really try hard to make it sting you. have you ever touched a snake?"
"no. never. its too creepy."
"define creepy."
"i dont know...disgusting. like...just gross. not natural."
"who told you to think like that? were your parents afraid of snakes?"
"my mom was."
"so youve never been hurt by a snake?"
"no."
"what about a lizard. what about lizards creates anxiety with you."
"their tails...too much like snakes."
"again with the snakes. these snakes are less than 3 feet long. every single one of them is nonvenomous. every single one of them has teeth barely sharp enough to pierce your skin. tell me why you think something that cannot hurt you creates such anxiety."
"i dont know! it just is."
"no, youre not even trying. tell me why you feel anxiety. really think about it."
"ok look, i know i dont have any reason to feel this way, ok? i know it. but seriously, just leave me alone about it."
"why? what does your life get from having this fear, if you know you shouldnt be afraid?"
"who cares if im afraid of snakes and lizards and spiders. lots of people are."
"but you cant even go over and get your own lizard food! you have to ask someone else to do it. that doesnt sound very self sufficient. you cant even control your eating. you cant even control your activity level. you cant even control your own health. if you can stop rationalizing your ridiculous anxieties about snakes and spiders, dont you think you could get a firmer grasp on other areas of your life? dont you think if you knew how silly it was to be afraid of something that cant hurt you, if you could realize that you can control your anxiety by ceasing to avoid it, that you could also learn to avoid the anxiety of living more health conciously? so you avoid the anxiety. the discomfort. then what? youre giving in. you are giving up. you are succumbing to being afraid because you refuse to understand. you refuse to make yourself uncomfortable in order to make yourself comfortable. isnt that what eating right and excersize would do to you? make you uncomfortable? but what benefits are there to doing those two things. and what benefits are there to not. what benefits are there to avoiding irrational fears instead of conquering them."

ok. so basically that got really stupid after the first few pieces of dialogue. but basically what i wanted to yell at this woman was to stop being so fat. and stop being so goddamn helpless because youre afraid of things that cant hurt you. that will never hurt you. stop being irrational and use your goddamn head.

you too, writer. you too.