08.31.05 - 1:07 am

you show up feeling excited, but know awkwardness is coming. you walk in after the close scrutiny of the bouncer and are overwhelmed by the amount of dudes there are to surround yourself in. you dont arrive with a girl, instead, you show up with yet another male.

you get a few drinks, you sit and you talk, but you know youre only passing the time until you see someone you recognize and can go talk to. some group you can assimilate yourself into.

girls pass. you look, they look. sometimes they look longer, sometimes you look up and down. mostly you avert your eyes once theirs catch yours.

youre there just like all the other dudes. to find a girl and get laid. getting drunk just shortens the process. at least thats the belief you go in following.

groups of guys stare at girls, hovering plastic cups close to their mouths. some guys like you, even pretend to use their cell phone when left alone amidst the flurry of 20 to 25 year olds. the girls show up there with other girls. usually the attractive ones dragging along their slightly obese unattractive friends. in order to penetrate to the attractive one, you have to win over the less than appealing one. what a chore.

the other guys there all have their plan of attack. some grow their hair out and wear baseball hats. they pull off the goofy, funny guy. then there are those who flip up their collars, and mess up their gelled hair. they try to pull off the cool asshole type. the type of guy that has a cool looking honda civic. the type that use what they own to sell themselves. then there are the regular guys. they come wearing just a t shirt. they dont do anything particularly exciting to themselves before they leave the house. they just go there and hope that by some chance, they find a girl interested in them.

as for the girls, some show up in their best outfits. the ones that show off as much leg as possible, or as deep a cleavage as they can. they hope their looks will not necessarily give them sex, but give them enough attention to make them feel better about themselves for the next few hours. sme girls show up just to sit and watch. or so they say. they really go there to meet a guy thats genuinely interested in them as a person and not as something to insert a penis in. but they bust out the "im here with my girls just to watch everyone. thats the only reason i come." right. a pleasant and easy to release excuse when youre not willing to be slutty, but when you just want to be noticed.

tonight i was accosted outside the bathroom. i waited there and some asian guy and his girl told me how much they hated petco and more specifically the aquatics department. the goldfish always have ich apparently. hes not lying, but im still offended. id give that asshole 10 whole dollars to try to keep the fancy goldfish from getting sick. but hes a koi guy he says. to compensate, he also has piranhas i hear, and feeds them goldfish. wow, you have piranhas. you must be a really cool guy who likes to live on the edge.

look pal, everyone has piranhas.

so i retreat to the water closet and listen as a girl i know proceeds to tell the waiting line how good a friend i am to her. kate. kate is an attractive, pleasant person to be around. but i know nothing about her except her major and her physical description. and her the same. but i appreciated her support. i left the bathroom to the asian couple apologizing, and some dude farther back telling me not to listen to them. this same dude i give crickets to on a weekly basis. i know people everywhere.

john and i follow each other around. look at girls. they look at us. i dont feel any need to talk to them, especially when theyre surrounded by douchebag guys who obviously are only trying to get laid, but play it off like theyre just being friendly. amy showed up with her boyfriend seth. she asked me what i knew about this guy talking to her friend, i told her i didnt know the guy at all. for whatever reason she thought i had. but i proceeded to tell her that based on his looks, he probably drove four wheelers, had a pick up truck, did chew, slept in a tiny bed room with posters of early 1990 swimsuit models.

eventually amy realized she did know this fellow, and amused, told me that everything i said about him was actually correct. he even had a early 1990s swimsuit model calender. christ, im good at this.

so the turning point came when i saw the interlocked fingers. ah yes, the guy that brings his girlfriend. ive only been able to do it once. but let me tell you, it was so much better than going to a bar single and alone. having her there to hold close. to drink with. to kiss whenever you wanted. to know that inspite of everyone else there, shed rather be with you. and you her.

so i told someone tonight that they would be who id want to be interlocked with. and i was accused of just being drunk.

not so.

but i will say, again, being with someone and going out is far more enjoyable than going alone with another guy. not just because hes male.

but because he cant make me feel....like she could.