08.30.05 - 12:15 am

"im feeling particularly weak tonight. i miss you."

"why."

"i dont know."

....no further response.

well that was an unfortunate and humbling mistake.

justin has it. brian has it. even the other brian has it.

and i dont.

i dont really know why im complaining though. i mean, in all reality, im fine without some one. i really am. what is this need i think i feel? where does this come from? maybe this is just the second part.

first, break free from the emotional connection.
second, break free from the habitual comfort of a female.

its all so unnecessary. the pain. the anguish. the begging. the pleading. inspite of how im slowly getting better, its almost as though im increasingly becoming more pathetic. stop asking her to come over. if she really wanted to, she would. stop thinking that something will change with sarah. it wont. stop looking for temporary fillers.

start reading.
start thinking.
start creating.

its cold. and sleep will feel good. i promise, im almost done whining about this. couple more weeks and ill be back to whining about how dirty my house is. how much time i waste. how terrible im doing in school. and how wonderful my son is.

im almost there. i can practically smell the phrase "im over her".