08.29.05 - 1:07 am

disappointment.

so much of it.

i didnt go to a wedding i was supposed to today. i had plans. but they were broken. they were broken long before they were even broken. its almost as if nothing was promised because, i already knew the outcome and relied to heavily on hope.

as per usual.

hope. goddamn this hope. this so called false sense of expected content. hope is what dragged on sarah and i. hope is what continues to keep her in my thoughts. hope conceals itself as disgust, and tries to get me to call her. to text her. to want her.
hope keeps sarah as this person of possibility. of endless satisfaction.
but reality ever so slowly tips the scales. reminds me there is nothing between sarah and i that needs to be hoped for. .

reminds me that there is no reason to put your full self or effort into someone that doesnt need to be hurt by you. that cant see you or spend time with you as often as you would like.

there are only moments you will share.
but i wont give up on either. i hope on of them will either become physically able and i hope one will become emotionally able.

but inspite of that hope....i know neither will work out. and patience will be more important than reality or hope. patience.

patience. someone is coming.