09.08.05 - 12:45 pm

i dont understand what my problem is. i just dont understand.

she is so mean. so cruel. so demanding. and lacking any sort of sympathy.

"get up here." she demanded from the top of the stairs.
"i told you i was going to be here at noon."
"well, what time is it now?"
"12:20"
"exactly....was i just supposed to wait on the steps for you?"

and then it was the: "do you have any money?"
"dont you have any money? what happened to all the double shifts youve been working these last two weekends?"

apparently her previous account has been closed, and the card for her new account has yet to come. but apparently shes broke. nevermind she could just go to any number of wells fargos and withdraw money without a debit card.

shes mad that i ask questions about her. shes mad that i want to know where all her money has gone that she supposedly had been earning these last two weeks. shes mad that i text her asking questions about her life. which sure, is obsessive and unnecessary on my part, except when she calls me up to tell me of her distaste for the girls in my life.

i get so frustrated with her. shes always so angry at me. she so mean. shes living her life in complete comfort without me.

and i still struggle. shes less and less the person i fell in love with and more and more just some girl whos most important asset is her appearance. just some girl who doesnt need me anymore.
just some girl who got pregnant with some guy.

and for some reason i keep thinking she will change her mind and want to fix this whole mess.

its not that i need company all the time, its that i want the girl i got pregnant to be a mom and not a 20 year old, and i want her to want me as well.

how much longer will i complain about this.

jesus.