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03.06.06 - 2:58 pm stop it. the way it is is the way it is. it will not change. she will not change or suddenly want you back. and if she does, you are not allowed to acknowledge it as anything other than her irrationality and temporary confusion. she cheated on you so she wouldnt have to accept the responsibility of her feelings and her choices. for her it is easier to kiss someone else, than to tell the one she says she loves....that shed rather not have him in her life anymore. but for fucks sake this new little wave of misery sure is fun. i cant get enough of knowing how fun it must be for her to know how many guys are desiring her, while she can dance around all over them and suffer no immediate consequences. i dont mind so much that im alone, what i mind is that she is so content with her social success. shes captured the niche she needs to feel good about herself. shes the hottest. the most available. the most flirtatious. the funnest. the most challenging. shes the center of attention. shes rude. shes careless. she drinks. she smokes. she picks and chooses. and who wouldnt want all that? but for her, its not who she is. its who she feels she needs to be inorder to temporarily disable her insecurity. you can see it in how important she emphasizes her appearance: the clothes, the fashion, the make up, the complaints about her weight. you can see it in her myspace page: her pictures slowly out numbering those of ashton. the manner in which she constructs her about me and journal. id like to call her a social parasite, but frankly, i dont know a goddamn thing about her. i have so many more years of this to look forward to. focus. focus. focus.
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