05.17.06 - 3:23 pm

these arent going to make it better. theyll probably make it worse.

ill just want more. these are like choose your own adventures, and i want the whole collection.

flight 93 was amazing. wholly satisfying by putting me right where i wanted to be. and soon world trade center will put me inside, as a port authority worker trying to rescue people.

but then ill be left needing more.

ill want to be the middle class desk job guy on the 85th floor, spreading the bars of his venetian blinds and seeing an aircraft headed directly towards his office. i want to see his toils. his struggles. his death. his survival. anything.

i want to see the turmoil on flight 77. i want to see how it managed to crash into the side of the pentagon.

i want to see the terrorists. planning. fearing. dreading. cherishing. anything.

i suddenly will need to be in every point of view not just so i can watch...but so i can experience.

is my own life that devoid of destruction and death that i need these things? no. its just devoid of the humanity that was expressed that day. whether it be fear, hate, evil, love, loss, grief, hope.
the energy of that day i will never feel swelling through me. just depictions of it in text or film.

everyone needs that emotional rush. it stirs something inside them that trivializes extraneous parts of their lives and highlights the moments and things that matter most. all too often people fall into patterns of despair and indifference. whether they admit it or not.

moments like september 11th remind people they are alive. they do have goals that can be accomplished. they can change things. they will die. and that going through the motions is not living.

getting by is deplorable.

in the saltwater hobby the word thriving is associated with success.

i want to thrive. and i want everyone else to as well.
and it would be nice if it didnt take terrible disasters to make people aware of that concept.