09.15.06 - 1:55 am

i stayed up late, anxiously awaiting my meal to finish cooking.

hashbrowns. steak. A1. and a bowl of chocolate icecream.

some would call this boring. typical. absolutely expected. but i enjoy it so thoroughly, that i didnt want anything else. no variation is necessary to excite me or tantalize my culinary curiosity.

i listened to some ben folds. thought about girls. thought about the two that hold my complete attention. and the abrasive insecurities im having to work through in order to proceed with either of them.

both mothers.
both attractive.
both fascinating.

but then i look at myself, and hate what i am at the moment. skinny, insecure, and unsure on how to create and maintain a relationship. a healthy normal one.

brian and sarah went to sarahs work. and she left a comment on brians myspace page. this angered me. shes not allowed to interact with elements of my life, just like im not allowed to interact within hers.

ashtons favorite insult to use on me is calling me a "kayjay". for whatever reason, he finds this name particularly damaging. next to calling me a "bum bum".

he grew two inches this past month. hes amazing. hes able to memorize stories after just one reading, and then read it back to me from memory (since hes unable to read.) i think he will be learning to read soon. hes got his colors down. hes far better with understanding numbers. he knows his left and rights. he understands traffic control devices. we worked on bones and internal organs the other night.

his most favorite activity is playing on the bed with me. he adores it. jumping. tumbling. blanket wrapping. flying. giggling until he nearly suffocates.

im going camping soon.