01.12.07 - 1:00 am

something like eight months. beginning of summer i remember complaining about it. some of the new friends ive made have only known me with stringy whispy hair. the sort of hair thats used to cover up bald spots. the kind of greasy long hair youd see on a hobo.

...dying of aids.

i had curls. i could play with them. i could twirl them into tight little ropes. and then play with the bristles at the end. i could shake it. i could feel the wind rippling through it. if i didnt press it down after a shower, or comb through it with my fingers, i would frizz. and fro. mom loathed it. michael mocked it. sisters grimaced.

i had something of a bittersweet relationship with my hair. it was wonderful how long it was getting. at the same time, i was frustrated with how unattractive i felt with it.

but in minutes it was lost.

a single hair cut erased eight months of work and self deprecation. and the results were good. the biggest pay off being that the haircut did not reveal a sickening balding scalp. instead, it looks exactly the same as it had before i grew it out. so far, ive been spared the ugliness of severely thinned hair. its coming, i cant deny that. even the hair cutting lady tried to weasle her way out of giving me a direct answer on my hairs condition. oh with such anxiety did i have pulling into the parking lot of supercuts. just how terrible would it look without the matting of my long hair to shroud my appearance?

but for now i remain at a plateau of hair amount.

so i will remain grateful. i can deal with this.