03.28.07 - 8:10 am

her: are you meeting me or should i just cancel my appointment? i need to know asap.

me: if i drive to meet you today, i wont be driving to meet you again til you get back.

her: youre an ass, you know. ill be picking him up i guess.

me: not an ass. just dont have the money to waste on driving.

her: just lazy i see.

me: again, laziness and wanting to save my money for more vital things are completely different.

so she moved to the beach. lincoln city. so that she could live for free at her grandparents house, work at a restaurant and save her money. sounds nice. sure, who wouldnt want that. but according to mapquest, lincoln city is a one hour forty two minute drive. some seventy seven miles from where i currently live. so her compromise, as we have always done, is to meet at a halfway point in order to exchange ashton. her suggestion is mcminville. an hour away. forty six miles from me.

i dont see the distance as daunting as i do the amount of money ill be pouring into my car in order to make this work. to lincoln city and back is easily $20 in gas for maybe two trips. itll be $10 per trip to mcminville. and if im doing this four times a week, it adds up per month. per year.

while moving home and living for free is a wonderful option, and something i would love to be able to do just as she does, if it would put undue financial burden on myself, it wouldnt be worth it. i feel like shes being careless and selfish and inconsiderate by moving so far away. and then surprised when i get upset about it, as if moving so dramatically far away would be an easy and pleasant thing for me to deal with.

i have driven this distance for nearly three years. when she lived in newberg. dundee. and eugene. its only been a little under a year that ive been spoiled with a twenty minute drive to monmouth. my options are limited. grin and bear it. or take him for longer periods of time in order to space out the amount of driving.

i like that second one.

picking him up an hour away on monday through thursday. she wont allow it, but if she has free live in babysitters at her grandparents, i cant imagine they caring if they have to watch him for the weekends. but i know that compromise to sarah thornton requires someone else to sacrifice for her benefit.