03.18.08 - 9:01 am

it finally struck me to appreciate the apartment i live in currently. of all the places ive lived where i dont have to hear my neighbors. i live in a place where i hear only what i want to hear.

not at julies.

at julies apartment throughout the night and starting early in the morning, we get the sour enjoyment of listening to the main apartment door opening and slamming shut. julies neighbor above her starts walking back and forth starting at 630 am and doesnt stop til i leave usually after nine. its incredible, he literally is walking back and forth in his apartment, and for what reason neither julie or myself can decide. you hear people talking. you hear people shutting doors. i can understand now why shed want to move somewhere more secluded. or at least away from that front door.

i am happy. things are going very well. i still make poor choices in regards to my relationships with other people. i dont think that will ever change unfortunately. i read books. i watch lost. i have enough money to go out and have drinks with friends. to rent movies. to go on fancy dates with julie. i make enough money to be as comfortable as id expect to be at this age.

the only thing that anchors me is not what i would have expected. some five years ago, i would have said ashton would be the anchor that keeps me from doing what i want in life.

this is not true. the only anchor i have keeping me grounded and in constant fear and worry is my student loans and financial obligations. nathan asked me to open a bar with him in buenos aires. i want to. i want to do lots of things. but i cant.

i need to find a career. for the next couple of nights, i need to push myself to find one. this thing at the fish store just wont cut it much longer.